Sunday Sense(s): Valuable

(Random internet photo....)

Visibility does not equate to value. 

- Howard W. Hunter

I went to church in Harlem, in New York City today.  It was a good day, full of messages that felt particularly addressed to me.  I have struggled recently (and have struggled many times in the past) with finding the value in myself.  It sometimes seems as if my character - my strengths, and traits, and goals, and personality - is not in accordance with what the world sees as valuable, and I have often felt like I am inadequate, or not good enough, or big enough, or amazing enough, or visible enough, or....really....just 'enough'.

Today I heard a story that was shared by Elder M. Russell Ballard in Conference this last May.  While it was originally included in a talk on the joys of service, it struck me in a very different and personal way.....

There is a world of uncertainty, complexity, and confusion. The demands of everyday life can wear us down. How can we free ourselves from this tangled web of challenges and uncertainties to find peace of mind and happiness?

Oftentimes we are like the young merchant from Boston, who in 1849, as the story goes, was caught up in the fervor of the California gold rush.  He sold all of his possessions to seek his fortune in the California rivers, which he was told were filled with gold nuggets so big that one could hardly carry them.

Day after endless day, the young man dipped his pan into the river and came up empty. His only reward was a growing pile of rocks.  Discouraged and broke, he was ready to quit until one day an old, experienced prospector said to him, "That's quite a pile of rocks you are getting there, my boy."

The young man replied, "There's no gold here. I'm going back home."

Walking over to the pile of rocks, the old prospector said, "Oh, there is gold all right.  You just have to know where to find it."  He picked two rocks up in his hands and crashed them together.  One of the rocks split open, revealing several flecks of gold sparkling in the sunlight.

Noticing the bulging leather pouch fastened to the prospector's waist, the young man said, "I'm looking for nuggets like the ones in your pouch, not just tiny flecks."

The old prospector extended his pouch toward the young man, who looked inside, expecting to see several large nuggets.  He was stunned to see that the pouch was filled with thousands of flecks of gold.

The old prospector said, "Son, it seems to me you are so busy looking for large nuggets that you're missing filling your pouch with these precious flecks  of gold.  The patient accumulation of these little flecks has brought me great wealth."

Elder Ballard compares our perspective to that of the miner, but today I felt more like the gold.  I have misspent a great deal of time and energy believing that in order to be valuable - and to be valued by others - I need to be a large 'nugget' of gold.  Those nuggets are are big and easy to find.  They instantly stand out and draw our attention for their obvious size and luster -

But, I am not a nugget.

Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me: but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass, and small means in many instances doth confound the wise. 

- Alma 37: 6

I am a million tiny gold flecks, bulging the seams of my leather pouch.

Those tiny little flecks are often missed and over-looked.  I even brush them aside myself, ashamed of their seeming insignificance - but, for what they lack in size, they more than make up for in number. They may not be the biggest, or the best, or the most obvious, but when placed on a scale the combined weight of all those tiny little flecks adds up.  They have unique and beautiful qualities that shine brightly and can be divided and shared in a thousand different ways - sometimes in ways that one large and heavy nugget cannot.  They don't fit the expectations of  "nuggets so big that one could hardly carry them" - but they are just as precious, only in a different way.  There is value in being visible and obvious, but - I am learning - there is also value in the quiet and subtle strengths of the heart.

(Hymn from Sacrament today...)

School thy feelings, O my brother,

train thy warm, impulsive soul.

Do not its emotions smother,

but let wisdom's voice control.

School thy feelings, there is power

in the cool, collected mind.

Passion shatters reason's tower,

makes the clearest wisdom blind.

Noblest minds have finest feelings;

quivering strings a breath can move;

and the gospel's sweet revealings

tune them with the key of love.

Hearts so sensitively molded

strongly fortified should be,

trained to firmness and enfolded 

in a calm tranquility.

That is what I value and strive for, and who I'm naturally inclined to be.   I see the beauty and desire in having a mind so loving and in tune with gospel feeling that something as subtle as "a breath can move" it, and a heart so sensitive yet strong that it can be a calm and safe haven to all who know it.  I may not be the life of the party, but I can be a fountain of life for those around me.  Wisdom, prudence, patience, temperance, diligence, soberness, meekness, humility, brotherly kindness, charity, knowledge, and understanding are all Godly traits that we are admonished to develop. They are qualities that can bring us joyful fulfillment if we understand and cultivate them - a peaceful heart can feel joy, excite happiness in others, and carry a cheerful countenance just as well as a boisterous one.

But godliness with contentment is great gain.

- 1 Timothy 6:6

I am not a nugget....and, I'm okay with that! I am made up of thousands of tiny golden flecks, each reflecting the light off their multiple facets into a shining brilliance. Innumerable and ever growing 'small and simple' glimmers of celestial light, all gathered into a well worn, but useful and familiar leather pouch. That pouch and its contents are meaningful, powerful, and valuable  - just the way they are.