Reflection

When will my reflection show

who I am inside?

-'Reflection'

Spent some time reflecting, and rewriting my 'About Me/Experiencer' page on this blog....



Over the years I have developed a picture of what a human being living humanely is like. She is a person who understands, values, and develops her body, finding it beautiful and useful; a person who is real and willing to take risks, to be creative, to manifest competence, to change when the situation calls for it, and to find ways to accommodate to what is new and different, keeping that part of the old that is still useful, and discarding what is not.

-Virginia Satir

Who am I? is a question I often ponder. Who do I want to be? is something I am constantly striving to figure out. Who I am, of course, is always going to be someone in need of improvement, of learning, of change and growth; but who I am is also someone whose characteristics, knowledge, beliefs, and experiences are hopefully shaping her into the person she ultimately desires to become.

So, Who are you?, you are wondering - I am someone who believes that you should always do what is good, honorable, and right simply because it is good, honorable, and right. I believe that people are the most important things in this world; love is always reason enough; time is more valuable than anything else; happiness is a choice; and that lessons learned and relationships made are the only things we take with us into the eternities. I believe that our bodies are beautiful gifts - awe inspiring vessels that help us express our souls, make connections, forge bonds, and experience the world and eternity to it's fullest. I believe that we should love and respect our parents and learn from children. I know that heartbreak is a necessary part of life, for it keeps our hearts soft, pliable, resilient, and humble. I live for the idea that progression is eternal and there is never an end to creation, growth, and change. I know God is my Heavenly Father, and we are eternal child spirits whom he created an immense universe for. I know Christ is the Savior, who sacrificed himself and experienced every pain and sorrow so we would not have to endure them alone. He is our advocate and comforter. I know we are guided by heaven through the Holy Spirit and everything good and beautiful in this world is a manifestation of God and his love. I know God is love, and His gospel and law are truth - truth is light, light illuminates our lives, and life is a wondrous and incomprehensible gift...one we much too often take for granted.

Who are you becoming? - There are so many things that I am working on - trying to cultivate and make a part of myself. Patience, temperance, knowledge, wisdom, understanding, humility, honesty, kindness, and love are all virtues I strive to adopt and desire to emulate. I hope to be found reliable and trustworthy by those who call me friend. I wish to be everything God and those I love need and want me to be. I want to run and not be weary, and walk and not faint. I want to never tire of learning how to love better, and to always...

...be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit.

-Jeremiah 17:8



The Times of Reckoning

"...a very large ship is benefited very much by a very small helm in the time of a storm, by being kept workways with the wind and the waves..." 

- D&C 123:16

I contend with the unexpected and undesired changes in my life, the culmination of which seems so much out of my hands and subject to the choices and agency of others.  Many days my soul feels like a storm tossed ship in the heart of a raging sea, moving at the mercy of the wind and waves that beset it.  I wonder where the Captain is, and like the disciples sailing on the Sea of Galilee, want to cry out in anguish and despair, Master, carest thou not if I perish? Where are your words?  Where is your power to calm the raging sea? Where is your 'Peace, be still.'?

Be assured that there is a safe harbor.  You can find peace amidst the storms that threaten you.  Your Heavenly Father--who knows when even a sparrow falls--knows of your heartache and suffering.  He loves you and wants the best for you.  Never doubt this.  While He allows all of us to make choices that may not always be for our own or even other's well-being, and while He does not always intervene in the course of events, He has promised the faithful peace even in their trials and tribulations...Living the gospel does not mean the storms of life will pass us by, but we will be better prepared to face them with serenity and peace.  -Joseph B. Wirthlin

When ships encounter heavy weather, officers are to keep the ship's bow heading into the wind with just enough speed to maintain steering.  If waves strike the ship broadside, heavy rolling occurs, which can cause injury or even capsize the ship. But staying on course and heading straight into the waves is not easy.  Ships seem so vulnerable to the power of the sea--riding up a swell slowly and then plunging down into the next approaching wave with a violent shudder. Can it take this kind of punishment? Will the rudder continue to meet the demand of the wheel's turn? Can it continue on a straight path with the winds continually pitching it back and forth?

I struggle to maintain true to the compass...to find the balance between hope and acceptance, having faith and letting go, staying true and confident in my course and still remaining humble enough to accept the Lord's will and guidance.  I want the storm to be over - to fast forward into the future to when the seas are calm and sunny, and yet I want to turn back, back to where I was before the clouds came in.  I want to be anywhere, anywhere but here in the tempest, caught in the present squall. I know the only true course out of the storm is straight forward, into the waves. I know that in order to be able to accept future blessings, I have to move away from present treasures - but I don't want to. I'm not sure that I'm ready to let go...

Here then is a great truth.  In the pain, the agony, and the heroic endeavors of life, we pass through a refiner's fire... In this way the divine image can be mirrored from the soul.  It is part of the purging toll exacted of some to become acquainted with God.  In the agonies of life, we seem to listen better to the faint, godly whisperings of the Divine Shepherd. Into every life there come the painful, despairing days of adversity and buffeting. 

There seems to be a full measure of anguish, sorrow, and often heartbreak for everyone, including those who earnestly seek to do right and be faithful.  The thorns that prick, that stick in the flesh, that hurt, often change lives... This change comes about through a refining process which often seems cruel and hard... In our extremities, it is possible to become born again, born anew, renewed in heart and spirit.   

If there were no night, we would not appreciate the day, nor could we see the stars and vastness of the heavens. We must partake of the bitter with the sweet... When we pluck the roses, we find we often cannot avoid the thorns which spring from the same stem. Out of the refiners fire can come a glorious deliverance.  It can be a noble and lasting rebirth.  The price to become acquainted with God will have been paid.  There can come sacred peace.  There will be a reawakening of dormant, inner resources. -James E. Faust

Yes, I am struggling...struggling with accepting the losses and changes in my life; but I know who is at the helm and his loving guidance is never to be doubted. There are many things about my life and my future that I don't know, but I do know that I am never alone on stormy seas.  God is my compass and Christ is my comforter, and they will not only lead me to a safe harbor, but make recompense for any suffering along the way.  The tempest is raging and will not be still, but I know in whom I have trusted; and while my heart is in sorrow, and the winds of confusion blow around me, my soul will find peace.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear,  though the earth be removed,

and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;

Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, 

though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof...

God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved:

God shall help her...

Be still, and know that I am God.

-Psalm 46

Therefore, let your hearts be comforted...for all flesh is in mine hands; 

Be still and know that I am God.

-D&C 101:16

*The Times of Reckoning: Abraham 3:6
* Bow: The front section of a ship or boat.
*Helm: The steering gear of a ship, including the wheel, tiller, or rudder.