Thursday, December 29, 2011

My Heart is Full


Some days we forget to look around us.
Some days we can't see the joy that surrounds us.
So caught up inside ourselves,
we take when we should give.
Look beyond ourselves - there's so much sorrow.
It's way too late to say, "I'll cry tomorrow".
Each of us must find our truth,
we're so long overdue.
So for tonight we pray for what we know can be.
And on this day we hope for what we still can't see.
It's up to us to be the change and even though we all can still do more...
There's so much to be thankful for.
And even though the world needs so much more...
There's so much to be thankful for.
-Thankful, Josh Groban

It is said that you don't know what you have until it's gone, and while the deprivation of good things from our lives can make us more keenly aware of the lost treasure's significance, it is often in times of perceived loss that we come to realize the breadth and value of all that we still possess.  As I sit, alone in my new home, the soft glow of the Christmas lights twinkling, reflecting the rich color of the walls; soothing sounds of seasonal instruments subtly winding through the air; dinner plates stacked high with pans soaking in hot soapy water; kitchen chairs circling the living room rug, still warm from their recently departed occupants...my heart is full.

We all face times of heartbreak, but the world is also full of so much good and I am continually in awe of the heart's capacity to feel - not only joy or pain, happiness or sorrow, but many different things - all at once. I stumbled across the perfect word today, to describe the sensation of this paradoxical aptitude: muchness. 
Muchness: n. Greatness of quantity, degree, or extent.
I have been overwhelmed by muchness lately.  The muchness of the goodness that surrounds me, of the kindness of friends, family, acquaintances, and even strangers.  While mourning the loss of one love I have come to find a brilliance and extension of love in places I never would have forseen.  My heart is full - sometimes of sorrow, but also of love, of peace, of joy, of contentment, of hope, of healing, of acceptance, of gratitude. 

Thank you. Thank you all for your warmth, your kind words and comforting hugs, your understanding shoulders and patient ears, your unexpected emails and letters and gifts. Even those who knew nothing more than to offer a genuine smile and a caring glance, your small and simple acts of kindness over the last few months have filled the cracks....   The seeds of doubt, the feelings of insignificance and smallness, have been pushed out of the way, and bit by bit the pieces of my soul have come home and its confidence has been restored.  Words will never be able to accurately describe the gratitude I feel - for God, for Christ, for life, for love, for you.  I am truly humbled by all the muchness I've been blessed with.  I only hope I can return the goodness I've been given.

...let your hearts be full... 
Alma 34:27
...and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks... 
Alma 37:37
...behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice... 
Alma 26:11

Monday, December 19, 2011

Sunday Sense(s): Whom I Have Chosen

(I spoke in church today.  It always seems to happen during Christmas.  I don't mind - I love learning from the the birth and life of Christ.  This is the outline to my talk.)




Our Gift to Him...

O holy night, the stars are brightly shining;
It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth!
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope, the weary soul rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees, O hear the angel voices!
O night divine, O night when Christ was born!

Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming,
Here came the wise men from Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus in lowly manger,
In all our trials born to be our Friend!
He knows our need—to our weakness is no stranger.
Behold your King; before Him lowly bend!

Who was this child, newly born into the world, unable to speak, to walk, to express himself in anything other than sighs and soft cries; laying in sweet slumber in his mother’s arms blissfully unaware – or was he – of the future before him?  What was it about this tiny infant that would cause not only shepherds to abandon their flocks by night, but compel wealthy and wise men to travel long distances just to see him, to stand by his side, and to bring him rare and expensive gifts?  Who was this child, whose simple birth in a livestock stable to humble and unknown parents would cause a king enough fear to seek his yet uncompleted life?

I have occasionally wondered what it would have been like to live in the world before Christ came - before the fulfillment of his life, and teachings, and Atonement. Before I could read of his journeys and learn from his example.  Would my faith be as strong?  Would I be able to believe that my soul and salvation were tied up in the destiny of a small and helpless child? Would I abandon all to come to Bethlehem, not because of the testimony of his excellent life, but merely on the hope that he would grow up to show me the way?  And if I did come, what gift could I possibly bring?

While at Christmas we remember the humble birth of Jesus, a blessed event long since passed, our pilgrimage still lies in the future.  Christ will come to the earth again.   Will I recognize the signs? How can I ever repay him for all that he’s done – meet the price of his ultimate sacrifice?  How do I begin to prepare myself to meet him?

Considering all that the Savior has done -- and still does -- for us, what can we do for Him? The greatest gift we could give to the Lord at Christmas, or at another time, is to keep ourselves unspotted from the world, worthy to attend His holy temple. And His gift to us will be the peace of knowing that we are prepared to meet Him, whenever that time comes. - Elder Russell M. Nelson

So what does it mean to remain unspotted from the world? And how could this possibly be gift enough for the Savior of the world?

Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world. -James 1:27 

The dictionary defines Unspotted: as without soil or spot or stain, clean, unblemished, unsoiled, unstained.   We live in a world full of dirt, and poverty, and temptation.  The number of potential spots and blemishes, and the ways to acquire them, are too numerous to count.  How do we remain clean amidst such things?  How do we stay in the world without being of the world?

Recently I have come to better understand the significance and importance of one of God’s greatest and yet simplest of gifts – the gift of agency.

If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world…I have chosen you out of the world…- John 15:19

One of the qualities used to describe God’s “chosen” generation is that they are “bought with a price.”

 
Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men. -1 Corinthians 7:23

For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's. -1 Corinthians 6:20 

God sacrificed his Son for us, so that we might be happy and find joy in this life and the next. The Savior paid the ultimate price for our salvation, with both his body and his spirit.  They own us - the Atonement has already been made and we have been "bought with [an unimaginable] price."  But, the gift of agency and our responsibility to 'choose for ourselves' is such an important part of the plan, and so vitally important to them, that throughout our mortal experience they let us choose and make our own decisions.

 
There has been a day of calling, but the time has come for a day of choosing; and let those be chosen that are worthy. -D&C 105:35

Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man.  And they are free to choose... -2 Nephi 2:27

God and Christ will not interfere – they will love, invite, plead, welcome, and patiently wait with outstretched arms, yes – but they will never interfere with our ability to choose.   I can't even begin to imagine the pain or the sacrifice God and the Savior have gone through for us, or the deepness of the love they have.  How much it must hurt them when we choose another path - when we choose to walk away from them after all they've already done and all the love and blessings they still have to offer.  If anyone has a right to be angry and revile against the decisions we make it would be them...but with all the pain we cause them they continue to love us, and to let us make our own choices – even when that choice is to walk away.

The gift of agency is so powerful…and yet, I think we – or at least I – forget that the Savior himself was born into the world with agency. His life was a life full of choices. He not only gives us the gift, but shows us how to use it to its fullest.  When comparing myself to Christ and his example I often feel inadequate, insufficient, stained, and spotted – anything but clean and perfect.  But that is the beauty of the Atonement – no stain or blemish is so set that it can’t be removed.  God in his mercy, and Christ in his love, provided a way for us to repent, to change, and to choose again.  Even in our darkest moments, in our most troubling and confusing times, the power of our agency never leaves us – as Elder Jeffery R. Holland said “The only real control in life is self-control”.  While our worldly circumstances may be out of our control, we always have the power to choose where our heart lies.

Christ was born in an animal stall, wrapped in rags in a bed of hay. He grew in a carpenter’s shadow, splinters in his hands and sawdust in his hair.  He walked long desert roads with blackened, cracked, and callused feet.  He sat in dirt with beggars and touched the wounds of lepers. He was reviled by strangers and betrayed by friends.  He was threatened, taunted, and spit upon. His back was lashed, his head was pricked by thorns, his hands and feet were pierced, and his side was run through.  His body was worn out by use in the world but his heart was never lost.  Christ chose to walk those paths, he chose to heal, he chose to feed, he chose to love, he chose to forgive.  The son of God, whose word was powerful enough to move mountains…chose instead to carry a cross.  In every experience in his mortal life – experiences which broke his body and his heart – in a world that feels justified in its bitterness, anger, and strife he chose instead to keep his heart open, soft, and pliable.  He chose to love his enemies and die for his friends. In his agony in the garden he chose to bear the cross, and on the cross he chose to forgive his persecutors, even as they were crucifying him.  Christ, in the fulfillment of his ministry, chose us.

So, what gift do we bring to the Christ-child at this or any time of the year?  It is not one of gold, or frankincense, or myrrh – it is the gift of a broken heart and a contrite spirit; the gift of a willing mind and dedicated life.  We exercise our agency and give him the gift of our choice: We choose to keep the spots and stains of the world from setting; we choose longsuffering, and patience, and forgiveness; we choose to love.  We choose him.

Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His Gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother
And in His Name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy Name!
Christ is the Lord! O praise His name forever!
His power and glory evermore proclaim!