On Stepping Back

When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.

-Abraham Joshua Heschel

I've made a decision to step back and take an indefinite break from the news and social media. My blog will still remain active for now, with posts of my experiences and thoughts, but that too may change, depending.  My heart is weary of negativity; the arguments, the personal attacks, the impassioned crusades - against not only policies and ideals, but against each other.  The world is full of terrible things, and our human shortcomings are painfully obvious when something large and socially tragic happens. Our faith in mankind can be disillusioned. But it's even more disheartening when instead of rallying together, we take our anger, our hurt, and our helplessness out on one another.

I recently made the mistake of expressing a political opinion online; a hard lesson learned that I will not soon forget. Not necessarily because I recant my position or committed a fallacy, but rather because I didn't think of the possible repercussions or realize the personal pain and ugliness that sharing an opinion in such a form might bring.  Social media has never been a big thing for me...at least, it wasn't until I moved across the sea, where it became a lifeline for familiar and friendly connections; a way to combat the loneliness and isolation that can come from uprooting your life and moving thousands of miles away from those you love.

Life can be hard, but I try to focus on the positive.  I love to share things, especially things that are good - like music, recipes, articles, or simple daily moments of happiness and contentment. Some may view my constant stream of updates about dancing, dining, and visits to ancient castles as representative of an idealistic and fairy tale life.  Comments such as "Jealous!", "Wow, your life is amazing!", and "I want your life!" have not been uncommon replies.  It may seem that way because I choose - and will continue to choose - to share the good things; to try and perpetuate the happiness and joy I feel in those moments when I love my life.  But I too have difficulties, just like everyone else.

I don't regret my move - I know why I'm here and I love what I'm doing.  I am every day grateful for the opportunity I've been given to improve my life and myself, and to spend a year in such a beautiful and historic place in the world.  But that doesn't mean it's easy.  I am surrounded by wonderful people, but building intimate and meaningful connections takes time, and while I am kept more than busy with my studies and schoolwork (and all the various student life accompaniments) there are still hours of isolation to fill and personal demons to face.

I know that life can be difficult for everyone at times, and I am terribly sorry if you've had a hard day, or a hard year, or a hard life - but please realize I didn't post or write about dancing in castles, or hosting dinner parties, or spending the day reading classic literature to mock or outdo you.  I shared in an effort to bring positive affirmation to my day; to remind myself to recognize the goodness and blessings in my life that I should be thankful for.  I am trying to be a more positive and grateful person even in the face of personal hardship; and I share them online because there is no one next to me to whisper to, because you are a pool of people I care about and think enough of to want to share the adventures of my life with.

I'm not sure why we find it so easy to hurt one another in the digital realm - maybe it's the lack of internal filters we would otherwise employ if we were physically in front of someone; maybe our fingers are more prone to malice than our voices; maybe it's because we don't have to see and face the hurt that we may cause; maybe it's because we're hurting, and attacking the invisible person in cyberspace is easier than attacking the emotions that lie within ourselves.  

Before we let our anger get the better of us, let's remember - words don't just magically appear online.  They were typed by fingers; fingers connected to a human body with a human heart and human feeling; fingers that caress in love and wipe away tears in anguish and sorrow; fingers that may point in accusation but also beckon in remorse;  fingers that belong to someone you know and love; fingers that, just like yours, are reaching out, trying to connect and make sense of the confusion in the world around them. I won't begrudge you some cathartic venting (we all need that sometimes), but think before you type. Practice patience and restraint, as a disciplined tongue is a strength not a weakness. We are all entitled to various opinions and the free expression of them, but no online victory is worth the loss of the tender feelings of those we love. 

*photo credit: http://imperfectspirituality.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Heart-shaped-hands-and-compassion.jpg