A few months ago my friend Seth and I set out on a beautiful sunny fall day to have a little fun with his camera and my new hat. We ended up on Acorn Street in the Beacon Hill neighborhood of downtown Boston - one of the oldest, most aesthetic, and most photographed streets in Boston. Click on the link below to see the fun results and view the full photo album.
I am currently working on editing photos from my friend/former roommate Claire and her wonderful husband Dan's wedding, which was held over Christmas in San Diego. I'll post some photos soon! I hope you all have a marvelous and exciting New Year!
Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.
Proverbs 13:12
Photo by Leilani Bascom
The meaning of life is not to be discovered only after death in some hidden, mysterious realm;
on the contrary, it can be found by eating the succulent fruit of the Tree of Life and by living in the here and now as fully and creatively as we can.
-Paul Kurtz
I love symbols. I love that they are both universal and individual at the same time; universal in that their representations are familiar enough to apply to everyone in some way, and individual in the ambiguity that leaves room for personal interpretation and application in diverse circumstances.
I love trees. They are beautiful, and strong, and resilient. They shelter, create, uphold, and sustain life. They stand firmly in the ground and yet reach for the sky. They weather all seasons, changing and adapting not only to suit their environment but to improve and support it as well.
I love the Gospel. It is hopeful, progressive, and eternal. It is a constant and unchangeable guideline for positive change and progression. It is based on love, and forgiveness, and relationships, and experiences. It is ancient, yet modern. Personal, yet communal. Individual, yet unifying.
You can imagine my enjoyment when all three are combined:
Symbols + Trees + Gospel = Tree of Life
The Tree of Life has become a very prominent fixture in my life lately. The image above is the Hatian Tree of Life, which hangs in my living room. I recently bought a Celtic Tree of Life pendant which I wear on small silver chain around my neck. This coming week, on the 17th of December, it will have been exactly one year since I first entered the Boston Temple- the decor of which is based on the Tree of Life- and a place I visit frequently.
Almost every culture celebrates some form of the Tree of Life. The scriptures are full of analogies utilizing the trees in various forms and for various purposes; the Allegory of the olive tree (Jacob 5), the experiment of the seed and the tree (Alma 32); the Tree of Life seen in Lehi & Nephi's dream; the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil and the Tree of Life planted in the Garden of Eden...
Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life.
-Lord Byron
I have gained a lot of doctrinal and personal knowledge and understanding while studying these trees over the last year....examining their roots, trunks, branches, leaves, and fruits. And I have sympathized with their struggles, uprootings, graftings, growings, and fruitions. But what I think I have come to appreciate most of all, is that while the sweet tasting fruit of the tree is the gift of eternal life- given as a reward if we endure to the end of our mortal existence- there are many, many more trees that will grow, and ripen, and offer up fruit during our lifetime here on the earth.
Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding.
For the merchandise of it is better than the merchandise of silver, and the gain thereof than fine gold.
She is more precious than rubies: and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared unto her.
Length of days is in her right hand; and in her left hand riches and honour.
Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace.
She is a tree of life to them that lay hold upon her: and happy is every one that retaineth her.
-Prov. 3: 13-18
Just as Adam and Eve chose to partake of the fruit that is this life, we too can choose to partake of the fruits of our experiences here on earth. Our families, relationships, educations, and experiences are all trees of life, offering fruits of reward if we but take the time to nurture and nourish them. The fruits, or rewards of our faith and efforts, are described as 'desirable above all other fruits', 'sweet, above all', 'white, to exceed all...whiteness', and 'desirable to make one happy,' but I think that my favorite description of the sensational experience of the fruit is given by Alma in the Allegory of the Olive Tree:
Oh then, is not this real? I say unto you, Yeah, because it is light; and whatsoever is light is good, because it is discernable, therefore ye must know that it is good; and now behold, after ye have tasted this light is your knowledge perfect?
I love the idea of tasting light, much like when Nephi speaks of feeling words. As stated by Elder William Clayton Kimball, 'Alma is trying to describe an experience that simply cannot be explained in terms of our usual sensations. The reality of the Spirit's confirmation passes beyond the bounds of ordinary description; it transcends our everyday world.'
The concept of being fruitful now has so much more meaning: by the fruits of their labor - or their light - shall ye know them; let your light shine; engage in good works; love one another; reap the rewards; multiply and replenish; bear, mourn, comfort, stand, witness, learn, grow, forgive, keep, give, live, love, feel, partake...taste...
...taste the light.
Ye shall feast upon this fruit even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst.Alma 32:42
I desire that ye shall plant this word in your hearts, and as it beginneth to swell even so nourish it by your faith. And behold, it will become a tree, springing up in you unto everlasting life. And then may God grant unto you that your burdens may be light, through the joy of his Son.Alma 33:23 And because of your diligence and your faith and your patience with the word in nourishing it, that it may take root in you, behold, by and by ye shall pluck the fruit thereof, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure; and ye shall feast upon this fruit even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst. Then, my brethren, ye shall reap the rewards of your faith, and your diligence, and patience, and long-suffering, waiting for the tree to bring forth fruit unto you.Alma 32: 42-43
For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day. For poise, walk with the knowledge that you'll never walk alone. People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm. As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others. The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from within her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows.
-Sam Levenson, in a letter to his granddaughter A favorite quote of Audry Hepburn
"If we knew each others secrets what comfort we should find."
Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.
-George Eliot
I have a confession to make...
...but I am not very good at sharing my thoughts and feelings with others...
...correction...
...I used to be not very good at sharing my thoughts and feelings with others.
This is not the blog post I set out to write those many weeks ago, when I first intended on expanding myself by sharing something personal. It has undergone many transformations. It has been many different lengths and had many different purposes. It has been overtly full and completely empty for various periods. It has a times been regretful, reproachful, petty, angry, sad, despondent, happy, futuristic, nostalgic, preachy, repentive, hurtful, loving, reaching, teaching, boring, and joyous. It has undergone several major overhauls in the past few months....much like myself.
My confession?
I have changed.
A lot.
AndI like it.
I won't pretend that I've accomplished something great. That I've turned into some well thought out and refined version of myself. That I set out looking to go through the change process... Because that's what it was - a process. A process that is still ongoing. An unwanted and very painful process, but a redeeming one all the same. And one that I will never regret.
It wasn't easy - and at times still isn't - but nothing worthwhile in life ever is. Watching a relationship fall apart is difficult, and letting go of someone can be incredibly heartbreaking. It leaves you feeling indescribably helpless. I will admit that I was occasionally desperate...desperately clinging to something good in my life that was slipping away. It is hard to let go of things we want in this life, especially if those things are perceived as good and bring us joy.
Yes, one year ago I would have said that my life was wonderful. And I would have been perfectly happy if things had continued just as they were. If something is good why risk changing it. Unfortunately hardship - not ease - is what pushes us to strive. And change - not stagnation - is what brings progress.
So, while the last few months have not been easy, they have been fruitful, and my soul is constantly stretching, learning new things...
Change is progress, and positive change is success.
To regret one's own experiences is to arrest ones own development. To deny one's own experiences is to put a lie into the lips of one's life. It is no less that the denial of one's soul. - Oscar Wilde
Regret is no longer a word I allow to be associated with the experiences of my life. Sorrow, yes. Regret, never. We are here to learn about ourselves and each other, to partake of life, and every experience - good or bad - only adds to the fullness of our understanding. To appreciate true joy we must also know true sorrow.
There are many things in this life I wish I had done differently. Mistakes I wish I had avoided; decisions I wish I had or hadn't made; actions I wish I had taken sooner; promptings I wish I had listened to the first time... But even with all those wishes, given the opportunity, I wouldn't change anything. Am I sorry for the negative and irrevocable effects of my mistakes? Yes. Am I sorry I had to experience the consequences of my decisions? No.
Why? Because for every perceived loss a mistake cost me, I gained a hundred other blessings. I learned a lot about myself. A lot about others. A lot about relationships. And a lot about God. They say that hindsight is 20/20, and it often is, but whether or not that insight is a saving grace or pit of despair depends on your perspective. Many choose to hinder themselves with the blinding views of regret. I choose to see the progress I've made.
Experiences are unavoidable parts of our lives, and we can choose to turn them into stumbling blocks or to use them as stepping stones. I'm starting to build quite a beautiful staircase...
It is not just the thought that counts.
The relationship between commitment and doubt is by no means an antagonistic one. Commitment is healthiest when it's not without doubt but in spite of doubt.- Dr. Rollo May
Not long ago I was sitting in the foyer of the Boston LDS temple, waiting for a friend. While waiting I overheard a conversation between a group of older gentlemen standing nearby. One man was relating the story of a Mennonite woman who had converted to the LDS church. She had previously been a writer for the Mennonite newsletter, and after being baptized into the church still continued to receive the publication. Not long ago she had responded to an inquiry a publisher had made in the magazine, asking what the readers thought was the most beautiful word in the English language. Many readers responded with words such as 'love,' 'family,' 'truth,' etc. This woman said that she thought the most beautiful word in the English language was the word "Come."
Think about that word for a minute...
COME
What is it? It's an invitation. An offering to get closer. An outreach of connection. An encouragement. A reason to move towards someone.
Who says it? Anyone can. But the Savior is the most eloquent speaker. "Come...Come unto me...Come with me...Come by me..."
How is it said? With a soft voice and outstretched arms. With patience. With love. With need. With desire. With urgency. With honesty. With unconditional limits.
The word come is everywhere in scripture. Especially in the words and life of Christ. It is his offering, and I am working on accepting his invitation, both in my heart and in the actions of my life. (Psalm 40)
Often, we believe that our thoughts - or our intentions - behind our actions and interactions are all that truly matter. It doesn't matter if we hurt someone if we didn't mean to, or want to, or knowthat we were. But the fact if the matter is- that person is still hurt, whether we meant to or not. And we were the ones who did it. We are also the only ones who have the power to fully rectify it.
S0 I've decided to adopt a new philosophy when it comes to interacting with others- Consistency. Consistency in thought, word, and deed. I'm no longer going to acknowledge only to myself how I feel about others, but I'm going to tell them and show them. I'm no longer going to think 'I love you' but I'm going to say it, and I'm going to say it with outstretched arms. I am going to invite others to come, and I am going to do so frequently.
Love is not enough, but it is reason enough.
Can love really travel back in time and heal a broken heart?...I'd like to think so, but there are some things I know for certain: always throw spilt salt over your left shoulder, keep rosemary by your garden gate, plant lavender for luck, and fall in love whenever you can. - Practical Magic
One of my favorite sections of scripture is 3rd Nephi in the Book of Mormon, when Nephi is describing Christ's visit to the people of the American continent after his resurrection. I love studying the details of how Christ interacted with others. And my favorite interaction is in chapter 17-
Christ has just finished teaching the multitude that the Law of Moses has now been fulfilled, and that he now must leave them to do as the Father asks and teach other people in other nations. Seeing that they are tired and having some trouble understanding what he has said, he tells them to return to their homes, ponder his words, and prepare for his returning visit the next day. After speaking he looks again upon the crowd and notices that "they did look steadfastly upon him as if they would ask him to tarry a little longer with them."
No one says anything, but he perceives their needs. What does he do? Does he look at his watch and say he has to go? Does he sigh and roll his eyes? Does he say that he just spent the last few hours explaining why he must leave? Does he say that his other work is more important? Does he deflect responsibility to the Father and say that it is beyond his control?
No. Christ is 'filled with compassion' and asks them if they had any sick among them that he can heal, and he heals them - every one. He asked them to bring their children and he blesses them - one by one. He kneels down on the ground with them, and gives such a heartfelt and marvelous a prayer that their souls are so overcome with joy they can not rise afterward. He takes the time to individually minister to 2,5oo people and in the end weeps because his 'joy is full.' He is on his way to do important work that the Father commanded him, and yet he stays behind with these souls simply because they want to be with him.Because he loves them.
Life is hard. Relationships are hard. And yes, love is not enough to live off of- but it is reason enough to live. Love is reason enough to face the consequences of putting off an important work to humbly kneel in prayer with a needful people. It is reason enough to work hard, to strive, to change, to sacrifice, to give, to try again, and sometimes to let go.
There are many other wonderful lessons I have learned on my journey, but at the moment these are the ones most strongly impressed upon my newly changed heart...
'A broken heart is a hardened heart made pliable again.'
Never regret the things you've learned from your past.
Embrace those who are a part of your present.
Accept the potential that is your future.
"To have a quiet mind is to possess one's mind wholly; to have a calm spirit is to possess one's self. " -Hamilton Mabie
I am currently in the middle of creating a new blog post, and it is taking me so long to think, process, and produce that I felt bad leaving my fledgling blog 'un-updated' for so long. And so, as I am attempting to utilize my thinking and sharing skills for the next post, I thought I'd pay a little homage to one of my favorite thinkers : Abraham Lincoln. He is an individual whom I truly admire and, like many of my heroes (Jane Austen, Beatrix Potter, Audrey Hepburn, Mother Theresa, and many others.....), lived his life with a quiet dignity. Eloquent and outspoken when necessary, but subtle and humble throughout his life.
"I am rather inclined to silence, and whether that be wise or not, it is at least more unusual nowadays to find a man who can hold his tongue than to find one who cannot." -Abraham Lincoln
I, like he, am 'rather inclined to silence,' and often find myself thinking rather than speaking. I like to observe, absorb, process, and understand... before I open my mouth to share. It can be a strength, but it is also a weakness. I think deeply about many things but openly share few things, and I have often been chastised for keeping my opinion to myself... for metaphorically 'hiding beneath a bushel.'
I will testify before legislature, lobby at the state house, debate morality and politics in class, and express my opinions in meetings... but I prefer to play unobtrusive observer in after dinner conversations. I simply choose to 'pick my battles' - or at least, that's my excuse for not speaking out as much in my private realm as I do in my educational and professional ones, and even then, my voice is not often loud or long. Why say in a page what can be said in a paragraph? Or in a paragraph a sentence? Or in a sentence a word?
(Or, as I'm sure my professors grew tired of hearing/reading: "I already answered that question, I'm not going to repeat myself four times just to fill space and meet a page requirement...")
Sometimes, the quietness comes from the desire to not waste energy arguing with someone I know will strongly disagree with me. Sometimes, it comes from a desire to listen and learn more about a subject I haven't completely formed an opinion about. Sometimes, it comes from a fear of rejection. And, sometimes, it comes from a feeling of inadequacy.
Like images of myself, my personal opinions are not something I show off or share easily. It is what feels like a selfish reach. And so, I am thoughtfully contemplating my next post, diligently working to correctly express in words my musings on a subject deeply rooted in my heart; using you, faithful readers, to stretch beyond myself.
All of these lines across my face
tell you the story of who I am,
so many stories of where I've been
and how I got to where I am. -Brandi Carlile "The Story"
We traveled 6+ hours across the Dominican Republic to the capitol in an overloaded taxi, intending on catching a bus for another 8+ hour ride to the Haitian capitol of Port-au-Prince, only to find that the buses had been canceled for the day due to local government elections in Haiti. After finding a hotel, we dropped off our immense amounts of luggage and headed out to spend the evening wandering around the city.
A few snapshots from our stroll around Santo Domingo, including Catedral del Santa Maria la Menor- the oldest cathedral in the Western Hemisphere, and rumored to be the final resting place of Christopher Columbus; our commision of a street artist; the Domincan Republic Capitol Palace; and the Domincan Republic LDS Temple.
And you would accept the seasons of your heart just as you have always accepted that the seasons pass over your fields and you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.
