My Heart is Full

Some days we forget to look around us.
Some days we can't see the joy that surrounds us.
So caught up inside ourselves,
we take when we should give.

Look beyond ourselves - there's so much sorrow.
It's way too late to say, "I'll cry tomorrow".
Each of us must find our truth,
we're so long overdue.

So for tonight we pray for what we know can be.
And on this day we hope for what we still can't see.
It's up to us to be the change and even though we all can still do more...
There's so much to be thankful for.

And even though the world needs so much more...
There's so much to be thankful for.
-Thankful, Josh Groban

It is said that you don't know what you have until it's gone, and while the deprivation of good things from our lives can make us more keenly aware of the lost treasure's significance, it is often in times of perceived loss that we come to realize the breadth and value of all that we still possess.  As I sit, alone in my new home, the soft glow of the Christmas lights twinkling, reflecting the rich color of the walls; soothing sounds of seasonal instruments subtly winding through the air; dinner plates stacked high with pans soaking in hot soapy water; kitchen chairs circling the living room rug, still warm from their recently departed occupants...my heart is full.

We all face times of heartbreak, but the world is also full of so much good and I am continually in awe of the heart's capacity to feel - not only joy or pain, happiness or sorrow, but many different things - all at once. I stumbled across the perfect word today, to describe the sensation of this paradoxical aptitude: muchness. 

Muchness: n. Greatness of quantity, degree, or extent.

I have been overwhelmed by muchness lately.  The muchness of the goodness that surrounds me, of the kindness of friends, family, acquaintances, and even strangers.  While mourning the loss of one love I have come to find a brilliance and extension of love in places I never would have forseen.  My heart is full - sometimes of sorrow, but also of love, of peace, of joy, of contentment, of hope, of healing, of acceptance, of gratitude. 

Thank you. Thank you all for your warmth, your kind words and comforting hugs, your understanding shoulders and patient ears, your unexpected emails and letters and gifts. Even those who knew nothing more than to offer a genuine smile and a caring glance, your small and simple acts of kindness over the last few months have filled the cracks....   The seeds of doubt, the feelings of insignificance and smallness, have been pushed out of the way, and bit by bit the pieces of my soul have come home and its confidence has been restored.  Words will never be able to accurately describe the gratitude I feel - for God, for Christ, for life, for love, for you.  I am truly humbled by all the muchness I've been blessed with.  I only hope I can return the goodness I've been given.

...let your hearts be full... 
Alma 34:27

...and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks... 
Alma 37:37

...behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice... 
Alma 26:11

Heart Smiles

 This is Teppo and MJ.

They are happy. They have fun together. They are getting married.

They got engaged a few weeks ago. The wedding was going to be in August but things changed and now it is in April.  They needed photos for invitations ASAP, so we spent the afternoon on Saturday walking around Cambridge with my camera.

MJ has camera phobia like I used to (and sometimes still do).  I told her not to worry or focus on the camera and just try to have fun.  I don't approach people (in this case engagement) photos as a glamour session - but rather as a means to announce your good news and show the world how much you enjoy being together.  

It's not about "see how beautiful I am" (and MJ is beautiful); it's about "see how happy I am."  Real happiness has a beauty all it's own.

I think they did a wonderful job.

Smiles abound. 

Where Your White City Shines

Hello all! I'm back in the electronic world again. The weather in Boston has, so lamentably, taken a turn for the  cooler and we've gone straight from t-shirts to warm sweaters and jackets - no long sleeve t's or cardigan weather in between.  But - good news - that does mean , in combination with other factors, that I will have more indoor time for writing posts. :)  Sad news - that also means that the summer sunlight is fading and beautiful outdoor sunlit days are getting shorter (sunrise/sunset are decreasing by a minute each every day - a much to rapid pace if you ask me).

I love natural light.  I just finished my first series of Arabic classes today and one of the many new words I learned - and one of the few I always remember - is noor.  It means 'light'.  (I wish I could figure out how to type it in Arabic calligraphy here for you - it's a beautiful language both vocally and visually.)

Anyway, I'm working on another post right now, but a friend of mine just shared this video (she's in it) and I thought I would share it with all of you.  Unfortunately, she only posted it on facebook instead of YouTube or some other publicly accessible website, so I can only share the link and you'll have to have a FB account and log in in order to view it.  It was made by a friend of hers and is composed entirely of still photographs - roughly 800.  It's beautiful. (listen to the lyrics too...) And it's about light.

Towards the Light Music Video

Things as They Really Are

Our spirit and our body are combined in such a way 
that our body becomes an instrument of our mind and the foundation of our character.

-Boyd K.Packer

"The Spirit speaketh the truth and lieth not. 
Wherefore, it speaketh of things as they really are,
and of things as they really will be;
wherefore, these things are manifested unto us plainly,
for the salvation of our souls."
Jacob 4:13

I have been working on multiple posts for several weeks, but have not yet posted them. Not because I don't know what to write - in fact, it's quite the opposite in that I often feel like I have too much to write - but because I haven't been able to make myself sit down at my computer long enough to finish one. I admit, I have a love/hate relationship with my computer, and my cell phone, and my alarm clock..... 

It's somewhat ironic, as this post is related to and a result of the post I am currently working on, the topic of which has led me make an effort to spend less time at my computer, but is something I earnestly wish to share. Don't worry, I will get there and will hopefully have it edited and up to par by next week. 

So, what is it that has caused me to neglect my blog so soon after making a commitment to post more often? It will become more apparent with my next post, but you can read these two articles now to more fully understand.  

The first article -Things as They Really Are -  is a talk by Elder David A. Bednar that I read in the Ensign several months ago. It really resonated with me and makes a strong statement about the need for balance between the benefits and detriments of modern communication technologies:

We live at a time when technology can be used to replicate reality, to augment reality, and to create virtual reality....I raise an apostolic voice of warning about the potentially stifling, suffocating, suppressing, and constraining impact of some kinds of cyberspace interactions and experiences upon our souls. The concerns I raise are not new; they apply equally to other types of media, such as television, movies, and music.

Please be careful of becoming so immersed and engrossed in pixels, texting, earbuds, twittering, online social networking, and potentially addictive uses of media and the Internet that you fail to recognize the importance of your physical body and miss the richness of person-to-person communication. Beware of digital displays and data in many forms of computer-mediated interaction that can displace the full range of physical capacity and experience....Progressively, seemingly innocent entertainment can become a form of pernicious enslavement.

To feel the warmth of a tender hug from an eternal companion or to see the sincerity in the eyes of another person as testimony is shared—all of these things experienced as they really are through the instrument of our physical body—could be sacrificed for a high-fidelity fantasy that has no lasting value. If you and I are not vigilant, we can become “past feeling”... 

I am not suggesting all technology is inherently bad; it is not. Nor am I saying we should not use its many capabilities in appropriate ways to learn, to communicate, to lift and brighten lives, and to build and strengthen the Church; of course we should. But I am raising a warning voice that we should not squander and damage authentic relationships by obsessing over contrived ones.

Let me say again: neither technology nor rapid change in or of itself is good or evil; the real challenge is to understand both within the context of the eternal plan of happiness.

The second article - Reconnect Your Brain - is one that was shared by a friend today (online no less) and got me reminiscing about my time in Haiti and longing for a 'technology free' vacation from the world.  I have to say, that while cell phones and email have so many wonderful benefits, I often miss the days when I wasn't expected to be available and connected all the time.  

I've often thought about the possibility of cutting out certain technologies from my daily life - but realize that removing myself from the progression of the world is not the most beneficial or realistic option. It's not about rejecting or avoiding technologies, but prioritizing and managing the precedence they take in my life. 

Elder Bednar offered two questions for consideration when making decisions about technology use:

1.  Does the use of various technologies and media invite or impede the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost in your life?

2.  Does the time you spend using various technologies and media enlarge or restrict your capacity to live, to love, and to serve in meaningful ways?

So, never fear - my reasons for not posting lately (and so soon after making a promise to post more often) have nothing to do with becoming 'stagnant' again.  I just, quite simply, am spending more time outside enjoying the wonderful summer weather - unplugged from electrical outlets and connecting with other people in a more 'natural' way.  And don't worry, I'll still be working on creating interesting and meaningful posts...they just may be a little more spread out while the rare and all too short New England summer sun is shining. 

Speaking of enjoying, connecting, and reminiscing, here are a few of my favorite experiences of past 'natural life connections' made possible to capture and share with you through modern technology. :)

Random outbursts of silliness and joy...

...memories of Haiti...

...adventures with family and friends...

...and happy moments shared with loved ones.

Now - go outside, enjoy what's left of summer, hug someone, laugh a lot, and ignore the urge to plug in and check my blog for at least a week. :)

...and *here*...

All the million little ways to say...

The Truth - Dan & Claire

A thought transfixed me:

for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets,

proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers.

The truth --

that love is the ultimate and highest goal to which man can aspire.

Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry
and human thought and belief have to impart:

The salvation of man is through love and in love. 

-Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

On December 22nd 2009 my wonderful friend and former roommate Claire married the equally wonderful love of  her life Dan. They had a beautiful wedding and very classy reception to compliment the great story that is theirs.

I was honored to be asked to take some snapshots at their reception.  It was held at the Museum of Contemporary Art in La Jolla, CA,and was a challenge in extreme low light photography.  But with a few makeshift napkin filters and a forgiving friend who understood the limitations and gave me some artistic license we were able to get a few good ones. And, with a happy couple, a live jazz band, and a room full of people who love do dance, how could you possibly go wrong!

(Oh..and her grandmother caught the bouquet!)