Validation

"Where's Jammy?"

Every 5 minutes all day long.

Apparently, a 2 year old misses me.

Best 'you are important' validation EVER.

My Heart is Full

Some days we forget to look around us.
Some days we can't see the joy that surrounds us.
So caught up inside ourselves,
we take when we should give.

Look beyond ourselves - there's so much sorrow.
It's way too late to say, "I'll cry tomorrow".
Each of us must find our truth,
we're so long overdue.

So for tonight we pray for what we know can be.
And on this day we hope for what we still can't see.
It's up to us to be the change and even though we all can still do more...
There's so much to be thankful for.

And even though the world needs so much more...
There's so much to be thankful for.
-Thankful, Josh Groban

It is said that you don't know what you have until it's gone, and while the deprivation of good things from our lives can make us more keenly aware of the lost treasure's significance, it is often in times of perceived loss that we come to realize the breadth and value of all that we still possess.  As I sit, alone in my new home, the soft glow of the Christmas lights twinkling, reflecting the rich color of the walls; soothing sounds of seasonal instruments subtly winding through the air; dinner plates stacked high with pans soaking in hot soapy water; kitchen chairs circling the living room rug, still warm from their recently departed occupants...my heart is full.

We all face times of heartbreak, but the world is also full of so much good and I am continually in awe of the heart's capacity to feel - not only joy or pain, happiness or sorrow, but many different things - all at once. I stumbled across the perfect word today, to describe the sensation of this paradoxical aptitude: muchness. 

Muchness: n. Greatness of quantity, degree, or extent.

I have been overwhelmed by muchness lately.  The muchness of the goodness that surrounds me, of the kindness of friends, family, acquaintances, and even strangers.  While mourning the loss of one love I have come to find a brilliance and extension of love in places I never would have forseen.  My heart is full - sometimes of sorrow, but also of love, of peace, of joy, of contentment, of hope, of healing, of acceptance, of gratitude. 

Thank you. Thank you all for your warmth, your kind words and comforting hugs, your understanding shoulders and patient ears, your unexpected emails and letters and gifts. Even those who knew nothing more than to offer a genuine smile and a caring glance, your small and simple acts of kindness over the last few months have filled the cracks....   The seeds of doubt, the feelings of insignificance and smallness, have been pushed out of the way, and bit by bit the pieces of my soul have come home and its confidence has been restored.  Words will never be able to accurately describe the gratitude I feel - for God, for Christ, for life, for love, for you.  I am truly humbled by all the muchness I've been blessed with.  I only hope I can return the goodness I've been given.

...let your hearts be full... 
Alma 34:27

...and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks... 
Alma 37:37

...behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice... 
Alma 26:11

Allie - Mini Me

Meet my niece, Allie.

This was the first time I met her.  She turned 5 months old while I was visiting. She is very tiny, and still wears newborn sizes (well, almost wears newborn clothes, they are still too big for her!). She's very much like me, and as my family was going through old childhood photo albums, they said they couldn't believe how much she looks like I did as a baby. Well - except for the ears - she's a lighter version of infant me!

Unfortunately I only have one photo of my childhood self in my possession for comparison, and it's not quite accurate as we're not the same age/weight or making the same expression in the photos...but maybe it's close enough. What do you think?

 

It's there...I guess it's just one of those things that's hard to capture on film. :) Apologies for the short posting! I've been busy/out of town, and I'm leaving to go out of town again, so you probably won't get any more updates until the beginning of next week - but don't worry, I've got memory cards full of great photo time I've been having on my trips! Lots of catching up to do....

Fascination

Childhood is the world of miracle or of magic:

it is as if creation rose luminously out of the night, 

all new and fresh and astonishing.

-Eugene Ionesco

This is my new little sister Kuralai.

Her eyes are inquisitive, and deep, and steady.

Her mind is alive, and quick, and hungry.

Her fingers are busy and her voice is active.

She is made of, and constantly seeks, all that is new and fresh and astonishing.
(And her hair always sticks straight up.)

I am fascinated by her...

Grandma's House

I loved their home. Everything smelled older, worn but safe;

-Susan Strasberg

Coal stoves, cast iron pans, sturdy ancient mail desks, wind chimes, butterflies, rooms full of photos, walls of brick, stone, pine, and barnwood.... 

I love grandma's house.

Grandma: golfer, swedish fish lover, woman of all trades, and purveyor of honest and unconditional love.

Grandpa: concrete worker, hunting guide, encourager, and Mayor of  Sterling; population almost 300.

Grandpa is Santa every Christmas Eve

My mother, grandfather, and I have successive birthdays on the 22nd, 23rd, & 24th of May.
Sometimes, we get to celebrate together - with 3 cakes of course!

One of the first photos I took when I became interested in photography - the hollyhocks growing along grandma's fence.
It's framed and hanging in her living room - I had no idea she had it until this last trip. : )