A New Dawn

I will never have the power to control the land

or conquer half the world or claim the sun.

I will never be the kind who simply waves her hand

and has a million people do the things I wish I'd done.

But in the eyes of Heaven my place is assured,

I carry with me Heaven's grand design.

Gloria, Gloria, I will sing the name of the Lord

and he will make me shine.

- 'Christmas Lullaby' from Songs for a New World

Hello everyone!  Yes, I am still here. No, I have not forgotten about my blog.  I think about it a lot actually, and have so many things I'd like to post about that I never seem to be able to.  I do - miracle of miracles - have several photo posts cued up and waiting to be posted over the next few weeks. This one, however, is dedicated to reviewing and renewing and may require you to do more than just quietly and anonymously peruse the page.

At the top of my blog, in the 'About Me' section, I placed a quote from Virginia Satir.  It's a description that I do not fit perfectly, but one that I am constantly trying to aspire to:

"Over the years I have developed a picture of what a human being living humanely is like. She is a person who understands, values, and develops her body, finding it beautiful and useful; a person who is real and willing to take risks, to be creative, to manifest competence, to change when the situation calls for it, and to find ways to accomodate to what is new and different, keeping that part of the old that is still useful, and discarding what is not."

During the last few years I have gone through many changes - in work, education, relationships, goals, interests, and character (Reference: Facing Myself, Summer says are come and gone.., A Quiet Mind, Reason and Regret, Tasting Light, Alive in My Humanity ) - hopefully all positive and worthwhile in the end.  In the last few months I have taken on many new projects - in music, foreign language, painting, cooking, sewing, fundraising, and research, and I am striving to figure out the best way to utilize my time working on these, while still having a balanced and share-worthy life.  Last year's New Year (Polar Bear Plunge) was a wonderful new beginning - a renewal - and I'm striving to make this year one as well.

I've been thinking a lot about how I can become a newer and better person, and wondering how I should be spending my time and what things I should choose to focus on.  I was asked (rather last minute and unexpectedly) to speak in our church sacrament meeting the Sunday after Christmas - the topic was to be "The Life of Christ".  The topic was so broad and all encompassing it was difficult to find focus, but after some pondering and insightful conversations with friends I decided to study Christ's mortal day to day life - how he spent his time, those he interacted with, what he valued, and who he was as a man.  We set aside Christmas as a time to honor and celebrate his birth, and Easter as a time to honor his Atoning death and resurrection - but who was he in all those years between?  What was the drive, the purpose, the meaning behind his daily breath?

Here are a few things I learned while studying about the life of Jesus Christ, my Savior:

-He is not above God's laws; he was not Hercules, a Titan, or a superhero with magical powers - he was a man.  

-He was a man with with feelings, a man with weaknesses, a man who was tempted and tried in all aspects of life - what sets him apart is that he consistently made the choice to never give in to those weaknesses or temptations.

-He turned his will to God, recognized and acknowledged his weaknesses, and allowed his Father to help him transform them into strengths.

-He performed physical miracles because that was his calling, but the essence and base of his existence was simple principles - he was humble; he honored his parents, both Mary his mother, God his Eternal Father, and Joseph, the mortal man who raised him as his own; he loved his friends and his enemies; he was his brother's keeper; he was kind; he put people first; he stood up for his principles and the gospel; he loved God.

Christ was a man, a mortal man, who loved God, the Gospel, and his fellow man with all his heart, might, mind and strength.  He loved and valued other's lives and souls to the point of sacrificing his own.  I learned that when we try to reach perfection by modeling our lives after the Savior we don't raise the dead, heal the sick, walk on water, or die on a cross -  We walk in humility and learn from our mistakes. We are tempted and tried but are strengthened by the Lord and consciously and consistently choose not to give in.  We honor our parents.  We are our brother's keeper. We love our friends and our enemies.  We forgive everyone, everything, every time.  We put people first.  We love God with all our heart, might, mind, and strength, and want nothing more than to see those around us feel that love and have the same desire to grow with us.

I am far from perfect and need improvement in many areas of my life but I've decided I want to try and model this next year - and every year after - on the life of my Savior.  I want to become more thoughtful, mindful, and diligent in improving my relationship with God, and with those around me.  I want to have purpose - in making people feel loved and valued. I want to learn, and hopefully be useful in the learning of others.

So, now we get to the part where you can help me. (See, I told you you'd have to participate.)  My blog has taken on many different roles and tones the last two years.  It has been a photo journal, sharing images of trips to Haiti and other various episodes in my life; it has been a spiritual journal, sharing various aspects of the gospel and spiritual lessons I have learned; and it has been a personal journal, documenting moments of growth and change in my life. It has been both a prominent and a forgotten tool in my life, varying in content and frequency.

I would like to be a better blogger, a writer who is interesting a makes a difference, and I need your feedback to do so.  What is it that you have liked about this blog?  What interests you? What kinds of posts do you most enjoy (photos, quotes, spiritual, personal, or a combination)?  How frequently do you check and read this blog?  Would you like smaller posts more often, or longer posts more spread out?  How can I improve my posts/writing?  What can I do to make this seemingly impersonal electronic page meaningful and useful to you? (If you don't want to leave a public comment you can email me at jannalwilkinson@gmail.com)

I know it's been a while, so you don't have to answer right away, but look over past posts, think about it, and let me know what you think.  The quality and value of my future blog posts is dependent on your feedback  If I don't get many responses I may decide that it's not all that important, and choose to focus my energy elsewhere. (Hah  ...my weak attempt at soliciting comments through intimidation - did I sound threatening enough?)  Anyway, I look forward to your feedback - it's greatly appreciated.  I'll start posting the short and sweet photo pages I've got cued up in the meantime.  I hope you enjoy them!!!!


P.S.  I just noticed that I had 47 posts in 2009 beginning in May - and I only have 17 for the entire year of 2010!  I also haven't posted since October... I've got some serious catching up/improving to do...

My Soul Doth Hunger

And my soul hungered; 

and I kneeled down before my Maker, 

and I cried unto him in mighty prayer 

and supplication for mine own soul; 

and all the day long did I cry unto him; yea, 

and when the night came I did still raise my voice high 

that it reached the heavens.

Enos 1:4

For the last 18 months I have been participating in a nutritional study at Tufts University's Human Nutrition Research Center on Aging.  It's a two year study focusing on the effects of slight improvements in diet and nutrition on various aspects of health and aging in individuals with relatively healthy BMIs. My 18 month mark was this month.

Over the last year and half I have had the opportunity to learn about the effects of diet and nutrition from numerous doctors, specialists, researchers, dietitians, nutritionists, physical therapists, and personal counselors.  I have gained a wealth of general and personal knowledge on metabolism, digestion, weight maintenance, vitamins, nutrients, supplements, and food sources, as well as the effect that sleep, schedules, hormones, and mental wellbeing can have on dietary health.

The knowledge I have gained has been very useful to me in many ways, including helping me to get my body to a healthier BMI.  The process of gaining this knowledge has definitely been a blessing, but it has not always been easy, and occasionally has felt much like a curse. 

"Knowledge is power."

Sir Francis Bacon said.

But, as Albert Einstein so keenly perceived

 "Information is not knowledge."

You would think, logically, that the wealth of facts and information I was gathering would make maintaining a healthy diet easier. But, we humans are complicated, and our factual minds are counterbalanced with often illogical and emotional hearts. The in-depth details and information, instead of making decisions easier, made them more complicated. I would eat certain things even though I knew I shouldn't, often simply because I shouldn't.  Food, instead of simply being 'food', became a symbolic emotional power struggle for me, at one brief time almost developing into an eating disorder.

I was lucky enough to have the support I needed both mentally and spiritually to be able to step back and normalize what was quickly becoming a destructive pattern, surprisingly from something intended to be helpful and good.  So, what was is that transformed this good and righteous pursuit into something so difficult and self-destructive?  Why was it that in my seeking of health and happiness I began to find only guilt and self-loathing?

And the spirit and the body are the soul of man. 
 D&C 88:15

We are dual creatures, made up of a sacred yet carnal vessel housing a celestial and eternal spirit.  I've often questioned and struggled with the concept of the 'natural man' and his role in our mortal journey.  How can our bodies - one of the greatest gifts we receive from God - also be an 'enemy to God'?   

And now...all men are in a state of nature, or I would say, in a carnal state...
they are without God in the world, and they have gone contrary to the nature of God; 
therefore, they are in a state contrary to the nature of happiness. 
And now behold, is the meaning of the word restoration to take a thing of a natural state 
and place it in an unnatural state, or to place it in a state opposite to it's nature? 

Alma 41 11:12

I love rhetorical questions. :) The definition of restoration - and the purpose of the Atonement - according to dictionary terms is to "return something to a former, original, normal, or unimpaired condition."  So what is the 'nature' of God and of happiness? What former natural state will we be restored to? 

For I, the Lord God, created all things, of which I have spoken, spiritually, before they were naturally upon the face of the earth. 
And I, the Lord God, had created all the children of men; and not yet a man to till the ground; 
for in heaven created I them; and there was not yet flesh upon the earth...

Moses 3:5

As Stephen R. Covey stated "We are not human beings on a spiritual journey, we are spiritual beings on a human  journey." We are first and foremost beings of a spiritual nature: faithful, charitable, merciful, kind, knowledgeable, patient, loving, humble, and hopeful.  We are celestial beings blessed with the gift of a mortal trial, the opportunity to enhance the essence of our spirits with a body of flesh and blood, to develop and merge into 'living souls'.

First spiritual, secondly temporal, which is the beginning of my work; 
and again, first temporal, secondly spiritual, which is the last of my work.  
D&C 29:32

So, if our original, natural state as created by God is so wonderfully spiritual, who is this enemy the 'natural man'?

There is a natural body, there is a spiritual body. 
1 Corinthians 15:44

There are several definitions and meanings of the word 'nature' or 'natural', some of which include:

- the material word

- the elements of the natural world

- the universe, with all it's phenomenon

- the biological functions or the urges to satisfy their requirements

- a primitive, wild condition

- existing in or formed by nature.

- based on the state of things in nature

- in a state of nature; uncultivated

- growing spontaneously

- unenlightened or unregenerate

- born such

- not treated

- an idiot (yes, it's a noun)

Alma clarifies what he meant by natural state - a 'carnal' state contrary to the spiritual state of god.  God is subject to the laws of the universe, and our bodies were born from elements of nature. The process of creation, evolution, and survival through the ages has created unique 'carnal' urges, needs, responses and and processes within our bodies.  Our physical beings are greatly effected and driven by genetics, hormones, chemicals, seasons, temperatures, sights, smells, and sounds - including such things as the urge to 'spread our seed', the tendency to 'bulk up' or eat nutritionally denser foods in winter, and the 'survival instinct.'

For the natural man is an enemy to God,

and has been from the fall of  Adam, and will be forever and ever,

unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit and putteth off the natural man

and becometh a saint through the Atonement of Christ the Lord. 

Mosiah 3:9

In an age when science helps us to learn so much about the biology, chemistry, and genetics of our physical bodies it is easy to justify carnal behaviors such as infidelity, eating disorders, and addictions.  I'm not saying that our bodies are evil or worthless, quite the opposite.  They are amazing tools that can enhance the experiences and existence of our spirits in ways we can only yet imagine, but they are unrefined and imperfect - like a raw clay that must be handled, kneaded, molded, and shaped before becoming the beautiful and artistic vessel it is meant to be. I believe that is one of the reasons why it would have been so bad for Adam and Eve to partake of the Tree of Life and become immortal so soon after partaking of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge - they had not yet learned to master their new bodies. 

It is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body. 

1 Corinthians 15:44

The point of this life is not to reject our 'natural' bodies, but to embrace them wholeheartedly - to fill them with our spirit and mold them into our celestial souls.  As with my experience with the study, no one wakes up planning to become a slave to the natural man or his urges.  But the process of refining a soul is a difficult one, and one which Satan will do all within his power to keep us from completing.  We are often too hard on ourselves. It is never easy, but always worth it.  Never give up. Begin again. Start anew. Love yourself - body and spirit. Hold another soul in your arms. Feed your spiritual hunger. Embrace your beautiful, eternal, natural self.

And he said unto them: 
He that eateth of this bread 
eateth of my body to his soul;
 and he that drinketh of this wine 
drinketh of my blood to his soul; 
and his soul shall never hunger nor thirst, 
but shall be filled.
 3 Nephi 20:8

Where Your White City Shines

Hello all! I'm back in the electronic world again. The weather in Boston has, so lamentably, taken a turn for the  cooler and we've gone straight from t-shirts to warm sweaters and jackets - no long sleeve t's or cardigan weather in between.  But - good news - that does mean , in combination with other factors, that I will have more indoor time for writing posts. :)  Sad news - that also means that the summer sunlight is fading and beautiful outdoor sunlit days are getting shorter (sunrise/sunset are decreasing by a minute each every day - a much to rapid pace if you ask me).

I love natural light.  I just finished my first series of Arabic classes today and one of the many new words I learned - and one of the few I always remember - is noor.  It means 'light'.  (I wish I could figure out how to type it in Arabic calligraphy here for you - it's a beautiful language both vocally and visually.)

Anyway, I'm working on another post right now, but a friend of mine just shared this video (she's in it) and I thought I would share it with all of you.  Unfortunately, she only posted it on facebook instead of YouTube or some other publicly accessible website, so I can only share the link and you'll have to have a FB account and log in in order to view it.  It was made by a friend of hers and is composed entirely of still photographs - roughly 800.  It's beautiful. (listen to the lyrics too...) And it's about light.

Towards the Light Music Video